Sunday, February 13, 2011
Here are my choices....
1) Let sleeping dogs lie and then get bit on the ass and die when the darn thing bursts. Who knows I could have another good 6 months to a year in me yet.
2) Have the dye used and lose even more kidney function. Let's see...so far I can seize and die or I could let a machine drain all of my blood and put it back into me two or three times a week and lose a little of my life every time they do that.
3) Don't have the dye. Get a MRA every 3-6 months and keep an eye on the darn thing if it turns out to be small. So...now my choices are...seize..drain my blood..or make me glow in the dark...let me continue.
4) Oh wait...there's not a four...looks like I'm out of options.
So, I guess I'll do the smart thing and listen to Dr. Brain Bubble (named after my aneurysm) and see what he recommends and then go with whatever will extend my life. I love living. I have so much on my plate right now, I cannot possibly die and God knows that. This is just another one of those.....Here Donna....catch, let's see what your made of. Well God..you made me fearless, cautious, but fearless. So toss down that big ole bag of Here....Try this malady on for size....and let me at it. One last thing God...thanks for my life and thanks for being in it.
All my Love,
All the Time.
Monday, October 18, 2010
I don't want more pills. I already take ten daily. UGH....and I don't want to add to that....so I have taken responsibility for my jelly belly. Ok Ok Ok....I'm a little, well, maybe more than a little overweight. I personally want to lose seventy pounds. The docs say I only need to lose thirty....but...I want to look and feel good and seventy lbs will make that happen for me..(maybe I'd be happy with 50 lbs...hell....who am I kidding...I'd be ecstatic). Since they have to put the new kidney in the front of my stomach, I don't need more packed in there, so it's up to me to make room for it.
I've put myself on a diet. I've never done well with a long list of things I can't eat. You know what I mean....you can't eat donuts, cake, cookies, candy, pie, fudge, drink soda's with sugar (that one really hurts), white bread, pasta, and blah blah blah. I could go on and on with what added pounds to my once skinny little frame, but..I CAN do a diet when I only have to cut out a couple of things...and those things for me are processd sugar and white flour. I know what you're thinking...Oh my gosh..you are just rewording all of the above goodies and maybe I am. But to me it's only two things. I just have to make sure that what I eat doesn't contain either of the two ingredients that I have chosen to give up.
I now eat quite a bit of fruit. I drink the V8 fruit juices and Welch's Grape juice Lite. That usually takes care of my sugar cravings. Fruit also has sugar in it...but remember I only cut out foods with processed sugar. I also check all package foods to make sure that sugar is not listed in the ingredients. It was kind of a pain in the tukas in the beginning...but now it's a challenge. And, now, I only eat whole grain bread and pastas. One of my newest favorite treats is a mini whole wheat bagel, toasted and topped with creme cheese. Then I made a mix of pumpkin seeds, sunflower seeds and sliced almonds and press that into the creme cheese. I top it with a slice of tomato and then cut it in half. To me, it's delicious and a treat. It meets all of my dietary requirements and is filling.
I don't know if I mentioned it or not...but I'm vegetarian and that makes it hard for me to get protien. The nuts and seeds are rich with protien...so if you need to add protien to your diet, try adding the nuts and seeds. Not only are they healthy, they are delish.
I never could stand diet sodas. That was until I tried zero coke. I love it. People say that even diet drinks are bad for you, but if we didn't eat everything that people say is bad for you, then we'd be stuck with only drinking water. And even then, who knows? I always hear about all those squiggly little things they find in water, so now we're only supposed to drink bottled water and then you find out by reading the label that the bottled water comes from our public drinking water. Round and round we go.
What does heathy mean anyway? To me...it's what promotes me feeling good about myself. Being able to do what I want to do physically (I'll be there soon) and not regretting what you've eaten after you've eaten it. I call it...eaters remorse. I've done it and I'm pretty sure we've all done it. I've been down and I blame that for making me crave something really delicious, like baking a cherry pie at eleven o'clock at night then eating most of it. It really hits home that I probably just ate 1,000 calories when I'm licking the last piece of great tasting goo off my finger. Yum...but oh crap what have I done.
I'm rambling...so back to my diet. I went through a real sugar withdrawal in the first two weeks but after that, it's been okay. I put myself on this self diet six weeks ago. What made me do it...partially a blood test that I had on September 19. My triglycerides were 660 (I had been enjoying my cakes and cookies) and then had another blood test on Oct 3rd...triglycerides were 300. Lowered by more than half . That was only two weeks after I started the self driven diet. Now..they are probably normal. Also my cholesterol was 220 on Sept 19th and on Oct 3rd it was
140. I'd also lost 11 lbs in that same two weeks. I am now on a mission! It was tough getting through that first two weeks, but when I saw the proof on my scale and through the blood tests I am now a believer that I CAN DO THIS!
I want to get healthy. The main reason is because I don't want to go on dialysis before the transplant and if I don't lose the weight that is what will happen. It will not happen to me. I won't let it. If you are going through the same thing....don't let other people tell you what will happen to you if you don't do this or don't do that. Make the choice...take hold of your health and control it. Stop letting it control you. Join me in being who you've alway wanted to be. The true us. Who could ask for more. We are fabulous! Let's go get what we want!
Leave comments about your progress. You're success will only help me with mine. I need your support to get through this and I'm there for you too.
Sunday, July 11, 2010
I haven't written for awhile...because not much, health wise is going on....
I go to kidney guy in Sept and see when transplant will happen...He says, probably around 1st of year.
I go back to brain guy on 28th of this month and see if all is clear. New MRI will tell me if I still have a brain or not. I'm guessing not!
I am working on a women's novel and I love creating it. Here's an excerpt, tell me what you think.
I saw a movement behind her and a little frightened face peeked out from behind the woman’s legs. I could see that the little girl had wrapped herself in her mother’s skirt. I remember doing that when I was scared. “Is this your daughter?”
She turned the top half of her body and leaned down to disentangle the child from her skirt. She coaxed her out from behind and the little girl stood in front of Sara, leaning against her, once again wrapping the skirt material around herself. Sara’s hands were lightly resting on the girls shoulders when she said, “Yes, this is my daughter, Mandy.” For the first time, the young woman smiled and then bent over and picked up the child. She rested the little girl on her hip and Mandy immediately covered her face with her mom’s long hair.
“What is she, about 3 years old?”
“Almost, her birthday is tomorrow.”
This got Mandy’s attention and for just a moment she was in full view, “My birthday is tomorrow,” the child said. She was as shy as her mother and as soon as she told me about her birthday, she buried her face back into Sara’s long blonde hair.
Her voice was akin to the soft cords of a harp when she spoke. It was musical and the child was extraordinary. She had white blonde hair, just like her mother and the darkest green eyes I’d ever seen. Her skin was like fine porcelain and her lips looked like petals from a rose.
I saw that Mandy was looking at me thru her silky shield of hair and I tried to make eye contact, “So tomorrow’s your birthday, how old will you be?”
It took her a minute but she managed to hold up two fingers and at the same time she showed them to me, her thumb popped up.
I laughed despite myself and was mesmerized by her, but then I remembered why I was there. I looked at Sara, “Do you want her around him when he’s like this? Just so you know, I grew up with him and as a child, when he was drunk, I was scared to death. I used to hide in my mom’s skirts when he was around, just like Mandy”
I tried not to be too loud so Mandy wouldn’t be frightened. “You sure you want her to go through the same thing?”
She’s been around him before when he’s had a few too many. He’s really Okay when he settles down.”
I actually think she was trying to defend him, but I could tell that her heart wasn’t in it. So I continued, “Sara, this is none of my business, but you seem nice and your little girls’ darling, so why are you with him? I’m not trying to be factious but I really just don’t get it. He’s been married umpteen times, did you know that? I’ve met at least 6 women he called his wife and there were probably more, but all of the women were pretty decent. They didn’t last long and that I do understand, but what I don’t get, he is such a drunken SOB, what do you see in him?”
Sara bent over and put Mandy back on her feet, then looked directly at me, her shyness seemed to evaporate, “Nobody else wanted me. My parents died three and a half years ago when I was pregnant. They were in the wrong place at the wrong time and were killed during a bank robbery. I don’t have any brothers or sisters and don’t know my aunts, uncles or cousins. Don’t even know if I have any.
I have a daughter I need to feed and provide a home for and I was stupid when I got pregnant. You want me to go on?” She didn’t wait for me to answer but said, “The man I thought I was in love with was married and he wanted me to end the pregnancy, but I wouldn’t, so he wrote us off.” She took a deep breath. “I was a waitress, so my 401K isn’t exactly busting at the seams and no, I didn’t know he’d been married that many times, but I don’t really care. He took us in when no one else would.”
I looked at her and had to admit that I admired the devotion she had for Mandy. “I’m sorry for you but he’s not your answer.”
Without malice, Sara responded in a tiny voice, “Then tell me, what is my answer?
“I don’t have one for you, but let me give you a look at your future. After the divorce, he would come by every couple of months just to beat the hell out of our mother and when he finished he’d give us our presents, then he’d leave. Leave us with calling the ambulance and going to the hospital to patch her up.” I stopped to catch my breath and saw the troubled look on Sara’s face. “He’s hit you hasn’t he?” It wasn’t so much a question as a fact.
Big un-spilled tears came to Sara’s eyes.
She didn’t need to speak, I saw the answer. “Has he hurt Mandy?”
She shook her head, and then said, “No.”
“Well, if he does, kill the bastard.”
A noise erupted behind me and I saw Sara’s expression change and Mandy ran behind her mom. When I turned to see what was happening I saw him roaring like a bull heading straight for us.
Well....that's it.... a little taste....hope you enjoyed it and if you did or didnt ... let me know. I can always use good advice.
Til next time. Cia
My name is Donna and I am pretty darn lucky.
Wednesday, March 24, 2010
I went to see my kidney guy...(Dr. Toto in Dallas) and he thinks it's time to start the transplant (kidney) procedures. Which means probably 6mos out. I am just guessing, but I have to start the paperwork and then be evaluated. I have to take quite a few tests before all is said and done. I guess they want to make sure I am healthy enough to go thru the procedure.
I have always said...I am very healthy...just have a few bumps in my road...but other than that...
I AM WOMAN! When I do get a new kidney people tell me that I will feel 100% better. I guess I don't know that I don't feel good now. Yes I get tired and everything on me swells, but who doesn't have a bad day now and then.
I was following Rob and April's blog. Rob and I are members of the same writers group. His wife, April was also in kidney failure and Rob donated his kidney to his wife. I remember reading on his blog that he was in quite a bit of pain and I hate the fact that I may have to put one of my loved ones thru that. My sister and my husband have volunteered their kidneys and they are possibilities. My beautiful daughter, Kelli, also volunteered her kidney, but she is too young and I don't want to take anything away from her that she may need in her future.
It didn't end well for Rob and April. She passed away shortly after the transplant, however they don't think it was the procedure or the kidney that was the problem. Rob thinks it may have been her diabetes.
I don't know what I would do if I were to lose my husband. I think Rob is amazing. I didn't have the pleasure of knowing April, but from what I have heard she must of been someone special. Rob, if you are reading this, I know we don't know each other except in passing, but I hope I can have your strength if heartbreak comes to my home.
I know I am kind of rambling, but I just wanted to let everyone know that the transplant is in process now and hopefully we can get this show on the road. Once again....
HEAR ME ROAR.....BRING IT ON.
My name is Donna and as soon as they give me all new parts...I will be brand new!
Saturday, March 13, 2010
My daughter, Kelli, is probably the best daughter in the world. She is always there when I need her and she never, never, never has a negative thing to say about anyone. We had plans this morning to have breakfast at a local IHOP, but I had this stupid headache when I woke up and had to cancel.
My name is Mom and Kelli if you are reading this...you are the best and I love you very much.
Monday, March 8, 2010
The day of my surgery, Ken showed up at the hospital and kept Ed's mind on other things so he would'nt just sit there and worry about what was happening to me. I had loads of family members there also, but they were there for me (I hope) and they helped keep each other occupied as well. But Ken, he didn't have to interupt his day and come to the hospital. He could have sent well wishes, but instead, he took the time to think of Ed and changed his schedule to take care of a friend.
Thank you Ken, you may have thought it was a nice thing to do, but to me, you have now been moved to a very special catagory in my life. You are a person who cares about your friends and you are there to back that claim up. I know Ed could of prevailed without you there. As I said we had loved ones and other friends who sweated it out with us, but they were there for me. Thank you for thinking of Ed. I will never forget your kindness.
My name is Donna and everyday that the old ticker ticks, I realize how lucky I am to be surrounded by the best people in the world. Friends, family and all the good wishes I know were out there for me from people I do not know during this whole tumor thing.
Thursday, March 4, 2010
Sounds strange saying that after begging for an instant death and release from pain forever, however, life can never be taken too lightly. I was treated for a "Stupid Brain Tumor" at UT Southwestern University Hospital - Zale Lipshey.
I know I am being all sappy and I'm having a Touched by an Angel moment , but I am thankful to be alive and I just wanted everyone involved in that process to know that I realize it is because of them that I am sucking it in and exhaling it out.
So to sum up this flowering mess, I want to thank my family, friends and professional team for their decision....
Thank you for deciding I was worth the effort.